“Dear Miss Bildirici, We regret to inform you that…”
Rejection is something that I am not never able get used to. However, as a soon to be graduate looking for a job I’m going to have to get used to it soon.
Last month, I applied to BBC’s graduate scheme. Even though, they required me to have a visa that I don’t have, I thought that maybe I could be special enough so that they would throw away their visa policies for me. Which was incredibly stupid. But I had to try. So I gave them my best, most idealist answers and started waiting for the miracle to happen.
Around a week later, I received an automatic reply from the website informing me that I did not get the job. And needless to say, I did not handle the rejection very well.
Before their email, my main source of news and weather report was the BBC website. I also watched several shows on iPlayer during the week. However, after their rejection I stopped using their website. On purpose. Like the loss of one reader would upset them or something. I wanted them to regret their decision.
But this rejection brought more confusing feelings. First of all, I convinced myself that the rejection was solely based on the fact that I did not have a work visa and I do not know if it is true. But this convinction caused a lot of anger within me. I was furious to be born out of the EU, I was furious at the visa system and I was furious that I could not even join the competition. But I think deep down inside I knew I preferred to be rejected because of something I have no control over rather than my qualifications.
The rejection revealed something else too. Before the rejection, when I was making plans with my Dutch boyfriend about when I am going to move there, I wanted to have one more year before I move in with him to utilize the work posibilities in England first. Because I wanted to prove to myself that I was not losing any opportunities nor that I was losing myself for the relationship. But when I got rejected, there was a silent sigh in me that was relaxed that I did not have to be in a long distance relationship for one extra year.
We always make ourselves believe that if we work hard enough, everything is possible and that is probably true. But sometimes there are some things that we just can’t control. And instead of mindlessly trying to push through every obstacle life gives us, sometimes it might be a better choice to stop and see what is life pushing our way. Even though it is challenging to admit when we want to be strong but the universe can know what we need better than us sometimes.